Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Second time around

Alhamdulillah for this great life. 

I left Malaysia to continue my studies in Manchester in hopes of finding new lights while gaining new exciting experiences. I made a list of things to bring two months before and double, triple check them daily so that I would not miss out anything. On the way to the airport I always felt like I had left something and that made me panicked for no reason. As I went down through the escalator at the International Departure, I see my family and friends waving at me. Reality strikes me that 'hey maliha you're down here alone and you only got you and yourself to depend on now'. It really hurts. I was nervous but I knew it would be great for me but I was wrong. I arrived in hopes of warmth but I got rainy cold weather instead. When I wanted to buy flats I knew I needed boots even more and that me sad. I felt so alone and so attached to the people back home without knowing I had made them worried of my survival in Manchester. That's when I realise I do had left out something back home, and it was my heart. 

I went through ultimate happiness and mega meltdown. It's been a journey with unexpected twist of plots in between. I went halfway across the world with a brave heart and never knew I would be missing Shah Alam too much. Who wouldn't? but with great companions I made, made me love staying there even more. I aIso went travelling all over the places I wish I had done before I was 20 but how selfish I am to say that for some people may wish for it before they were 30 or 40. I'm grateful to have seen beautiful mountains overpassing highways, to have experience renting a stranger's house over the holidays. There was never a time limit in achieving anything and always believe in yourself in taking chances because you'll never know what you'll miss out. 

People say that being far away is hard and you can't survive the loneliness. Sad truth but I'm proud to say that it had been a year now since it happened and I'm coming back stronger than ever. Of course the resistance from crying at the airport is forever inevitable. And that's just because I'm happy to be surrounded by such wonderful and loving people. 

To whoever who wish to be in my shoes then I wish you luck and welcome you to a journey no man can describe how it feels until you experience it yourself. Opportunity awaits when you're out of your comfort zone. And that is true! If you really want something, work on it (rather than scrolling your Instagram timeline and being envious of those airport farewell photos). 

I'm literally writing this on my bed in Manchester at 3am in the morning (blame jetlag). and of course, because I miss people back home so much. 

Sunday, May 18, 2014

This is crazy


I forgive you for trying to rekindle the things that had burnt out.
I forgive you for wanting closure when life get's tough.
I forgive you for giving me shivers whenever I have doubts.
And I always will understand if you're trying to get affection from the person I love.


BUT


I would never be afraid of the things you will do.
I would never break you as much as I wanted to.
I would not forgive if you ever try to cross the line.
And I will never ever be nice if you're trying to take whats mine.



Sunday, March 2, 2014

Courage

Go on and be with someone who will be proud of you. That someone who would talk about you even if he knows people would yawn over it. Who will acknowledge you even if he knows it would cost him. Who is not afraid of the pain when walking through bushes of roses. Be with that someone who will fight endless battles for you. When things get hard, he will reach out for you with his sword and protect you. 

I know i found that someone who is proud of me. I know im with someone who would do anything for me. But i also know that you are not ready. I know that someday you will find that courage to be brave.  For us. 

Friday, February 21, 2014

why now?


slowly smelling the changes.
slowly experiencing bad weathers.
slowly feeling the indefinite.
slowly fading back to non existence.

It's the time that you feel so insecure. that you feel you don't fit in anymore.
maybe I'm running out of ideas? :(





Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Reality of things




Don't be mistaken with the judgements you make.
Don't be mistaken with the things you hear.
Don't be mistaken with the gossips people create.
Don't be mistaken when seeing two people so near.

When people misjudged you, i will be there for you
When people disgraced you, i will protect you
When people look down on you, i will be brave with you
When people misunderstood, i will walk through them beside you.

We have one another now and it's the most insane decision we had ever made and had thought thoroughly of.  You have me, I have you. Our backs are facing 
each other too. We are strong, and we will be. :)  We are not perfect at all. But maybe well, perfect for each other (kahkahkah)

be happy for us?
Because we are, always happy for you.






Sunday, February 16, 2014

Post-Happiness

"It's hard to close your eyes when you really want to see,
And the hardest thing to do is to let go when what you really want to do is to stay"

This week and a half had been the best 10 days ever since I last remembered. I was happy, cheerful and just massively overly excited. The moment of hellos until the moment of exchanging goodbyes. Every moment counts and it was filled with tons of mixed emotions. 

I couldn't believe you just traveled thousand miles to come here which consumes loads of money, energy and time. But you told me how much you really wanted to and how can I resist? You told me you want to see the world and I'm so happy that you managed to. You get to see your Gherkin, the life of the english men and of course the stadium of your favorite football team. I'm overjoyed for you.

Seeing you the first time just breaks me. I experienced instant goosebumps walking towards you. I didn't know how to react, what to say, how to stay still. Previously, the closest I get to you is just through Facetime. I would call you on my way back from the library every time at night because I'm scared of the road leading towards my apartment. Then now, seeing you at 1:1 scale is just madness. How did you get so big? and when did you get so tall? Mixed emotions. All I've been wanting for is to walk with you side by side and honestly, that was then I felt the most safest since I ever came here to Manchester. Touched wasn't the only thing I felt when I saw you. I really just couldn't believe you're right there beside me.

How can I let go of the person who makes my day lit up everyday here? How can I manage walking alone when all I wanted was for you to walk beside me? I sent you to the airport with such a heavy heart. I really didn't want you to go. I don't want you to be thousand miles away from me anymore. I watched Heathrow's big digital clock increases it's seconds. The moment I'm afraid of is coming. You held your passport, all ready for the departure gate while I'm here feeling awful. I already missed you within 5 seconds you walk towards the departure gate. You waved back at me every second you get the chance to. I can see you smiling back at me until the point you're getting smaller and smaller. I hate this. I absolutely hate this. aaaaaa. I felt this so much during when papa left me to go back to Malaysia. serious dejavu moment. I really hate goodbyes and that's why I told you not to come here in the first place. gahhhhhh. I'm afraid of this moment. This moment when being alone is too much for me (all over again) and that I have to repeatedly tell myself after this to be strong, that everything will be okay. It breaks my heart to see you go. But you kept me strong and I will be. I'll try. 

I love it whenever we're happy. I love it when we can just be ourselves, we can just be best friends at the same time. It's amazing how things escalated so quickly now that you're back to where you're supposed to be. I wish you would be here longer. I did ask you to stay. haha. but then I would be selfish to. I knew I just had to let you go, temporarily.

You told me how prepared you are for the 'post-vacation-effects'. It worries me that you have to manage everything by your own while I'm here not knowing the real situation. I really do hope that they will see how much honesty and trust we put for each other. We will see the trues and the fakes. The good and the ugly. And we will go through this together. You're worried and I am too. But it will all be fine. It will be. You are worth it. million times worth than anyone.

Thank you. Thank you so much for being you. for being here with me. Thank you for the best 10 days ever. And i can't wait for 10, 100, 1000, 100000000 days more. :) Thank you so much for the irreplaceable moments. Nothing could beat the things you had done for me.

I really miss you, I miss having you around buddy. :') I will see you soon. xoxo.