Sunday, May 18, 2014

This is crazy

I forgive you for trying to rekindle the things that had burnt out.
I forgive you for wanting closure when life get's tough.
I forgive you for giving me shivers whenever I have doubts.
And I always will understand if you're trying to get affection from the person I love.


I would never be afraid of the things you will do.
I would never break you as much as I wanted to.
I would not forgive if you ever try to cross the line.
And I will never ever be nice if you're trying to take whats mine.

Sunday, March 2, 2014


Go on and be with someone who will be proud of you. That someone who would talk about you even if he knows people would yawn over it. Who will acknowledge you even if he knows it would cost him. Who is not afraid of the pain when walking through bushes of roses. Be with that someone who will fight endless battles for you. When things get hard, he will reach out for you with his sword and protect you. 

I know i found that someone who is proud of me. I know im with someone who would do anything for me. But i also know that you are not ready. I know that someday you will find that courage to be brave.  For us. 

Friday, February 21, 2014

why now?

slowly smelling the changes.
slowly experiencing bad weathers.
slowly feeling the indefinite.
slowly fading back to non existence.

It's the time that you feel so insecure. that you feel you don't fit in anymore.
maybe I'm running out of ideas? :(

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Reality of things

Don't be mistaken with the judgements you make.
Don't be mistaken with the things you hear.
Don't be mistaken with the gossips people create.
Don't be mistaken when seeing two people so near.

When people misjudged you, i will be there for you
When people disgraced you, i will protect you
When people look down on you, i will be brave with you
When people misunderstood, i will walk through them beside you.

We have one another now and it's the most insane decision we had ever made and had thought thoroughly of.  You have me, I have you. Our backs are facing 
each other too. We are strong, and we will be. :)  We are not perfect at all. But maybe well, perfect for each other (kahkahkah)

be happy for us?
Because we are, always happy for you.

Sunday, February 16, 2014


"It's hard to close your eyes when you really want to see,
And the hardest thing to do is to let go when what you really want to do is to stay"

This week and a half had been the best 10 days ever since I last remembered. I was happy, cheerful and just massively overly excited. The moment of hellos until the moment of exchanging goodbyes. Every moment counts and it was filled with tons of mixed emotions. 

I couldn't believe you just traveled thousand miles to come here which consumes loads of money, energy and time. But you told me how much you really wanted to and how can I resist? You told me you want to see the world and I'm so happy that you managed to. You get to see your Gherkin, the life of the english men and of course the stadium of your favorite football team. I'm overjoyed for you.

Seeing you the first time just breaks me. I experienced instant goosebumps walking towards you. I didn't know how to react, what to say, how to stay still. Previously, the closest I get to you is just through Facetime. I would call you on my way back from the library every time at night because I'm scared of the road leading towards my apartment. Then now, seeing you at 1:1 scale is just madness. How did you get so big? and when did you get so tall? Mixed emotions. All I've been wanting for is to walk with you side by side and honestly, that was then I felt the most safest since I ever came here to Manchester. Touched wasn't the only thing I felt when I saw you. I really just couldn't believe you're right there beside me.

How can I let go of the person who makes my day lit up everyday here? How can I manage walking alone when all I wanted was for you to walk beside me? I sent you to the airport with such a heavy heart. I really didn't want you to go. I don't want you to be thousand miles away from me anymore. I watched Heathrow's big digital clock increases it's seconds. The moment I'm afraid of is coming. You held your passport, all ready for the departure gate while I'm here feeling awful. I already missed you within 5 seconds you walk towards the departure gate. You waved back at me every second you get the chance to. I can see you smiling back at me until the point you're getting smaller and smaller. I hate this. I absolutely hate this. aaaaaa. I felt this so much during when papa left me to go back to Malaysia. serious dejavu moment. I really hate goodbyes and that's why I told you not to come here in the first place. gahhhhhh. I'm afraid of this moment. This moment when being alone is too much for me (all over again) and that I have to repeatedly tell myself after this to be strong, that everything will be okay. It breaks my heart to see you go. But you kept me strong and I will be. I'll try. 

I love it whenever we're happy. I love it when we can just be ourselves, we can just be best friends at the same time. It's amazing how things escalated so quickly now that you're back to where you're supposed to be. I wish you would be here longer. I did ask you to stay. haha. but then I would be selfish to. I knew I just had to let you go, temporarily.

You told me how prepared you are for the 'post-vacation-effects'. It worries me that you have to manage everything by your own while I'm here not knowing the real situation. I really do hope that they will see how much honesty and trust we put for each other. We will see the trues and the fakes. The good and the ugly. And we will go through this together. You're worried and I am too. But it will all be fine. It will be. You are worth it. million times worth than anyone.

Thank you. Thank you so much for being you. for being here with me. Thank you for the best 10 days ever. And i can't wait for 10, 100, 1000, 100000000 days more. :) Thank you so much for the irreplaceable moments. Nothing could beat the things you had done for me.

I really miss you, I miss having you around buddy. :') I will see you soon. xoxo.

Friday, January 17, 2014

love fills me

I fell in love.
For a long time I finally felt what love is. 
He changes my mind and vanishes my what ifs into why nots.
Love brings sunshines and rainbows.
Nothing ever felt uneasy. Everything was so simple and finally made sense.
I gave, make and take chance with him. He's the exception.
I don't see the imperfections in him, even if he does,
 he makes everything perfect for me.

we tell each other what we feel.
The truth and only but the truth.
I share everything with him.
From my first broken camera to the moment I lost my credit card.
But he just said nothing and laughed,
"I love you and it's because of this.
I love your carelessness and I wonder what more you're capable of"

We live in two different places. 
As time is the only thing we can hope for each day.
Even loneliness manage to find it's way into my hectic schedule.
A moment without him is like drowning in the middle of the ocean.
Nevertheless, he kept me believable.
Believe on how much he tried.
There were times I felt empty.
But he always does come at the end. 
He makes up for it. He made me believe all over again.

He's the closest thing I ever felt to a family.
He loves his family as much as I love mine.
And I know he will love my family as much.
InshaaAllah. Amin.

I want him to be the leader of my family, 
the imam of my solah
and the protector of my children.
Because I know, he's capable and he's worth it.

I want him to be mine.
Halal in your eyes, ya Allah.