self healing

'Losing a love is often like losing two people – your love and your best friend '

DON’T GET LONELY

We all need time by ourselves after a traumatic event, but whatever you do, don’t let yourself be alone for too long. Surrounding yourself with people again, whether it’s friends, family or co-workers, will help immensely in getting over a broken heart. It may be difficult at first, but force yourself to be with people after you’ve spent an appropriate amount of time alone. This is the best thing that can help you overcome your pain.

The news not any daughter wants to hear about her mother. Im afraid. Im not handling this well at all. I talked to my best friend about it. But i still dont feel good at all :( im afraid. Afraid of what might happen after. I felt my heart just died thinking about it.

Pray everything goes well for you mama. :'(

paralyzing my heart

how do you erase a memory?
how do you tell yourself everything is not true?
how do you pretend to hold everything?
how do you do it?

yesterday i did something i would never have did beyond imaginary. Yes, I Hacked. I Stalked. Im not proud. but somehow i'm glad I did. It was never sumthing i planned on doing. maybe i just wanted to know how you are. i just needed explanation. there was a lot to handle. and i was handling it alone. that's when i decided to do it.

I went through and read something i never had any intention of finding in the first place. and i just wished a bee just zapped me and made me stop going through it. but nothing zapped. i was curious and i cant believe i forced myself to it. it may have ended a long time ago but memory last a life time.
when I read it, every word just tore me apart.i could just even imagine the laughter going on throughout your conversation with her. i caught you once but i would have never thought there's a second time. i just don't know what to do. why am i still hoping, still praying, still wanting for us. why am i so stupid. there's too many 'whys'.

Allah hears everyone's prayers. i believe He's listening. Just make this all go away. I never beg for anything this much Oh Allah. but just hear my prayers as i called out to you, only you.

finally

it's time to stand up and not be afraid anymore.

be brave enough for what's coming
be brave enough to open up
be brave enough to tell yourself 'it's okay'
be brave enough to move on.

InshaAllah

When i read this, i get sudden goosebumps. It was well said and its exactly what i searched for. Thanks fatin, you made me day :)

One day.

I love air asia more than you.

I may have parents who spoiled me and give me things beyond my desires but it doesn't mean you have the right to call me a "sponsored child".

First of all, yes, we are close. But sometimes sense of humor have it's limits. You don't know how they raise me and better yet i never ever ever ever told you the principles they thought me on money.

Hahaha laugh all you want but next time don't mention things like that Because you never know if it might hurt or not. Everyone have their own way in handling things and so what if i choose to do it by air. Of all people, i thought u understood.

Haishhh mmg minggu emo betoi!!

being happy

it's been a while since the last i updated my blog.
under some circumstances, i felt a bit tired when someone had judge what i wrote.
as if i wrote about them?
drama.

life hits me in all the ways i could have never imagined.
it's unpredictable. it's unnecessary. all and all, it's bittersweet.

I was brutally murdered.
we would  never knew how fast we could lose someone in our life.
when someone stopped texting you, stopped calling you, stopped everything.
you're thinking, what did I do? or even what had I done to feel that way?
Sometimes you would feel there's an instant connection between both of you.
you would grab any chance you could get in a day just to see him from a far.
even if he doesn't care of you.
you would make an effort to text her even if you're busy.
not knowing she read you text but replied hours later.

you end up being mad, frustrated, furious that your love for someone hasn't been returned as what you hope for.
that's when you murdered yourself.
you cry yourself to sleep, you lost appetite, you can't sleep even you tried, you gave a dishonest smile to someone who made you tickled, and you PRETEND to be happy.
heart and mind brutally murdered.

that's what ive been feeling. how about you?

for the first time in my life. i feel beautiful.


why is that?