Wednesday, October 29, 2014

bila sedih

tips tips untuk orang yang sedih kerana dilukai oleh seseorang di pagi hari dan malam hari.
jangan risau, jangan down. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. okays?

Please, jangan post status sedih kat facebook.
Kadang kadang kita rasa nak luahkan perasaan. Tapi kadang kadang juga orang yg kita tujukan tu ingat kita ni mengada ngada pula nak tunjuk tunjuk. SO daripada tambahkan lagi rasa sedih and buat lagi sakit hati, just pergi lah buat the things you suka. Kuatkan semangat, Instead of posting something sad, post about life, about happiness! just anything that could lift your spirits up again!.Pergi la masak, main gitar, jalan jalan makan ice cream, pergi jogging, dengar lagu happy happy, kacau kawan kawan. Buat anything yang bagi hati and minda tak ingat dah tentang orang yang bagi kita sedih tu. and just be happy. Dont be weak because we are strong.

Please, jangan dengar lagu sedih
Kalau pasang lagu slow, mana lah tak sedih. Lagu slow ni nanti melayan perasaan. buat apaaaa nak bazir masa mcm tu. Satu lagu dah 3-4 minit. Tak perlu laaaaaah. I am very organize. so what I did is, I buat playlist 'untuk hari sedih' and isi je semuaaaa lagu happy dalam tu. It never fails. sampai sekarang masih boleh kawal emosi bila pasang playlist tu.


Please, jangan tengok phone setiap 10 minit.
You will never benefit anything from this sebab orang tu confirm tengah buat benda lain. Lelaki memang kalau ada benda buat dia marah bengis or sedih, dia akan ignore kita and perlukan masa sendiri untuk clearkan mind dia. This is factual based on multiple of events. hhhm, So tak perlu juga sekali lagi bazir masa nak check phone. Biar je. Nasib baik I Architecture student, means that, I have loads and loads and loads of things to do. Masa buat kerja pukul 1.47pm, then tiba tiba eh sekejap nya dah Asar. So just keep yourself busy dengan life. Dont worry if you tak tahan. Kadang kadang tu, text la orang tu cakap benda benda konon nak menceriakan keadaan. Bagi orang tu rasa adalah juga orang yang terkenangkan dia ni. At least, buat effort walaupun sedikit. BUT jangan selalu. biar dia cari kita juga. (gaya atok bagi nasihat)

Please, give yourself time
Kita memang tengah sedih. Kita nak dia pujuk. Kita nak dia call kita, Macam macam lah kita nak time ni jugak! haha but girl, give yourself time and just think about it back. Kenapa sedih ni? Macam mana boleh gaduh teruk ni? Kenapa terasa sangat ni? Bagi time muhasabah diri. Just relax. Breathe and do your best to be okay. Jangan tergesa gesa nak solve kan keadaan walaupun situasi tu kita yang salah. And jangan nak paksa orang tu untuk buat sesuatu walaupun situati itu salah dia. Macam mana kita boleh paham perasaan dia, kita kena buat benda yang sama untuk diri sendiri. That is why, being independant is important. Orang tu tak suka if I independant but it really helps me actually. At least, I learn to control myself during hard times and just tenangkan diri. Sometimes too, time will heal by itself. Be grateful with every moment kita lalu dalam satu hari tu. and paling penting, spend time minta doa kat Allah biar hati kita dan orang tu tenang. Nak nangis pun, luahkan je. kalau orang tu tak suka dengar kita nangis, Allah suka and selalu dengar. Minta ditolak semua perasaan dengki and marah. It works with me. InshaaAllah it will also for you.

I have more to say, but works calling. and guess what,sepanjang I tengah tulis post ni, I just received missed calls and it's from orang tu. :)  If i can get through sad days, you will too. love yourself first. :)

tired

IT'S SO HARD BEING
SO POSITIVE 
ALL THE TIME.

Honestly, I have no time for people who are never going to be satisfied in life.
And people who are just never appreciative of what they have.
And yup, also, those people who doesn't have nothing nice to say.
MYOGDB!

Sunday, October 26, 2014

I trust you, now.

Trust : The act of placing confident in someone or something.


I woke up this morning, feeling woozy with heavy worrying thoughts in my mind. Rewinding back a year ago, I would be putting on loud happy music alongside writing plans of what I would be doing for the week. I was single, care-free and I was smiling. But don't get me wrong, I love the person I'm with now, more than anything in this world. Not that he didn't give me access to loud happy musics, it's just the maturity changes and a lot of things are being put first that sometimes I forget how to entertain myself anymore. When I was single, I have only my heart to take care off but now as another heart is in place I became too careful and afraid if I would break it. Which then, I forgot about mine. Yes, I sound like a worried mad girl and but that's just how it is in relationships. Sometimes you trust him, sometimes you don't. I can't abandoned the fact that I had been lied to, crushed by, two-faced by. I have major trust issues with just anyone and I may look like I'm alright but I never did trust anyone in my life, except for my family.   

Couple of weeks ago, I suddenly thought about how we fall in love so easily. How everything was so smooth sailing that I paused and wondered 'did I missed any step?'. whyyyyyyy whaaaaat? exactly. Kenapa nak kacau air yang tenang semasa tak ada buaya. (betul ke?) I missed that 'trust test' with you just because my other half is my best friend. I mean, you are my best friend, I should definitely trust you. but no no no, not too fast. We tell each other everything! From break ups with our previous-ed, the 'what should I do now', the 'why did you do that to her/him?', the 'you deserve better lahhh', the 'why did you go back??' Just all sorts of un-confidential things only you and I share. I know you so well that I shouldn't be testing, and just because you know me so well, doesn't mean l could ignore the fact that you too could hurt me That's when I did what I had to do. I went crazy.

I began searching and just searching and searching. It's a lot to handle but I never knew how good I was! hahaha It helped. I found things I'm curious of without no valid proof. I began collecting. I know right, I'm messing with my own life. But tell me, who hasn't done it? I also found traces of the past that made me think, what the hell did you do, that made her feel so hopeful? Why is she hopeful? Why is she posting something about you? Why did she post that? What made her think she could do that? What made her think that I should be scared of this? Why am I scared? Seriously, fyi, missy, you should be quoting this.  'Respect other people's relationship, there's so many fishes in the sea, why mess with the one's being caught?'

Know this little girl, I am not afraid of you or the things you will do, I'm not afraid of your history because I know the future is much brighter. You may be playing around with your feelings but wouldn't it be great if you would have spend all this time just be better and be happy. I love this man and I will fight for him. I will fight but I will not compete. This is not a competition of 'may the best girl wins,' I do not need to prove anything to you because he and I know well. I'm honestly bothered by what you did and I'm not a coward to admit that. Yes, you had made me slight worried for the fact that what if he does things behind my back. Such a sneaky smart gesture, I applaud you to that. I trust this man and whatever you are doing, actually made me trust him even more. He is a nice man, and he just wants to make everyone happy, please don't get the wrong misleading signals from him.

This is the guy who wouldn't lie to my face if he wants to. Who can tell if I know he's lying, He is the guy who knows all my moves, sat beside me and cry with me. He asks for time during fights but let me be there to comfort him. He has a good heart. He would never do such things to me and he doesn't need to promise me that. But honestly, thank you. for making me realize that the man we both love is a person I need to be careful with and keep an eye out. You made me see that there are people like you and more of you if i'm not careful. You made me realize I should adjust the sails before he's comfortable with where the wind takes him. There are more possibilities that he might be fooling around with me but thank you for showing me that this may be one of it.  I'm a super positive person and you don't want to mess with me. Just a friendly reminder, I really hope things goes well for you.   

It's funny, because the old me would have definitely text him and ask and ask and ask multiple meaningless questions, but I think I outgrew it. Instead of arguing, I just sit here in front of my screen and just type my heart out. and I wished I had done this before. Some 'alone-time-therapy'. I get so tired of thinking about fights, time offs, sad faces and choose to be happy instead. I trust him, and that's just me. I trust people too much even If i don't want to. I get hurt, I get slapped, but that's just life. You should live for the present. You are meant for downfalls and betrayals. Just keep praying that you wont be in it. For me, I live by the moment and at this moment, I trust you. I may not know what happened tomorrow or next year or the next 50 years, all I know is now, I trust you. Now is important. Okay? 

If you do have anything to say, just say. I'm ready.
Now that you know, please don't break me. 




Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Second time around

Alhamdulillah for this great life. 

I left Malaysia to continue my studies in Manchester in hopes of finding new lights while gaining new exciting experiences. I made a list of things to bring two months before and double, triple check them daily so that I would not miss out anything. On the way to the airport I always felt like I had left something and that made me panicked for no reason. As I went down through the escalator at the International Departure, I see my family and friends waving at me. Reality strikes me that 'hey maliha you're down here alone and you only got you and yourself to depend on now'. It really hurts. I was nervous but I knew it would be great for me but I was wrong. I arrived in hopes of warmth but I got rainy cold weather instead. When I wanted to buy flats I knew I needed boots even more and that me sad. I felt so alone and so attached to the people back home without knowing I had made them worried of my survival in Manchester. That's when I realise I do had left out something back home, and it was my heart. 

I went through ultimate happiness and mega meltdown. It's been a journey with unexpected twist of plots in between. I went halfway across the world with a brave heart and never knew I would be missing Shah Alam too much. Who wouldn't? but with great companions I made, made me love staying there even more. I aIso went travelling all over the places I wish I had done before I was 20 but how selfish I am to say that for some people may wish for it before they were 30 or 40. I'm grateful to have seen beautiful mountains overpassing highways, to have experience renting a stranger's house over the holidays. There was never a time limit in achieving anything and always believe in yourself in taking chances because you'll never know what you'll miss out. 

People say that being far away is hard and you can't survive the loneliness. Sad truth but I'm proud to say that it had been a year now since it happened and I'm coming back stronger than ever. Of course the resistance from crying at the airport is forever inevitable. And that's just because I'm happy to be surrounded by such wonderful and loving people. 

To whoever who wish to be in my shoes then I wish you luck and welcome you to a journey no man can describe how it feels until you experience it yourself. Opportunity awaits when you're out of your comfort zone. And that is true! If you really want something, work on it (rather than scrolling your Instagram timeline and being envious of those airport farewell photos). 

I'm literally writing this on my bed in Manchester at 3am in the morning (blame jetlag). and of course, because I miss people back home so much. 

Sunday, May 18, 2014

This is crazy


I forgive you for trying to rekindle the things that had burnt out.
I forgive you for wanting closure when life get's tough.
I forgive you for giving me shivers whenever I have doubts.
And I always will understand if you're trying to get affection from the person I love.


BUT


I would never be afraid of the things you will do.
I would never break you as much as I wanted to.
I would not forgive if you ever try to cross the line.
And I will never ever be nice if you're trying to take whats mine.



Sunday, March 2, 2014

Courage

Go on and be with someone who will be proud of you. That someone who would talk about you even if he knows people would yawn over it. Who will acknowledge you even if he knows it would cost him. Who is not afraid of the pain when walking through bushes of roses. Be with that someone who will fight endless battles for you. When things get hard, he will reach out for you with his sword and protect you. 

I know i found that someone who is proud of me. I know im with someone who would do anything for me. But i also know that you are not ready. I know that someday you will find that courage to be brave.  For us. 

Friday, February 21, 2014

why now?


slowly smelling the changes.
slowly experiencing bad weathers.
slowly feeling the indefinite.
slowly fading back to non existence.

It's the time that you feel so insecure. that you feel you don't fit in anymore.
maybe I'm running out of ideas? :(